*I’m a resident assistant on a staff of 18 people not including the 2 supervisors*

So our staff has weekly meetings for updates, bonding and all that. At the beginning of these meetings, everyone has the option of writing a kudos to someone else and then it is placed in the kudos box. Then towards the end of the meeting each person randomly selects a few kudos to be read aloud and then delivered to the recipient. The concept is great until an error or confusion occurs. Like the fact that someone on my staff has the same name as I do; Simone.  I previously attempted to establish a difference (to avoid these situations) by suggesting “Simonalisa” for myself , but I guess  people forgot about that. So when someone writes a kudos with Simone on it, we don’t know who it actually belongs to. For instance, one particular kudos addressed to Simone said something to the extent of “Simone, you are such a great leader”  and that uncertainty just DID NOT sit well with me. I wanted to know who this anonymous person thought was a great leader; me or her? At this moment, I didn’t want to claim being jealous because I wasn’t. I don’t have have a problem with the other Simone being a leader, but I wanted (and still do) want to be recognized as a leader. That’s just how I want to be seen.

Now, when I explained this to my boyfriend it lead to a conversation about competitiveness. However, I didn’t think I was being competitive, but he said that I was (at least in the things I do). Like I wouldn’t be competitive in crocheting sweaters because that’s not something I do or even know how to do. Then I tried to explain that me being “competitive” makes it sound like I’m than her or that I want to put her down. Once I said that, he really put it in perspective for me. “I am NOT competitive to put others down, I AM competitive simply because I think I can do a better job,”  whether it being in leadership, bowling, or remembering names lol. This made perfect sense without being mean.

One of my supervisors for this summer was also the same supervisor during the previous year. During the rehire interview with him, I said that being rehired would make me step my game up which included my leadership skills. So I won’t follow in the shadow of the other girl (if the kudos was for her), but instead i will do better because I know that I can.